Episodes

We’re often told that exposure leads to change. That once harm is named, brought into the light, or made public, something will finally shift. But that hasn’t been Amanda's experience. In this episode, Amanda and Kyle talk through why exposure alone rarely produces real change and why, in many syste...

In 2024, as public conversations about abuse, grooming, and accountability unfolded again and again, Amanda found herself watching familiar patterns repeat. These patterns felt uncomfortably close to the high-control religious world she thought she had left behind. For Amanda, this was not just cult...

The holidays come with an expectation of joy. For many people, that expectation can feel impossible. In this quiet, honest conversation, Amanda shares a truth she’s been sitting with for a long time: healing doesn’t automatically make you receptive to happiness or joy. When your nervous system forme...

In this episode, Amanda and Kyle dive into moral scrupulosity OCD and how it has shaped Amanda’s life. She shares openly about the intense anxiety and compulsive behaviors she developed growing up in a high-control religious environment under Bill Gothard’s IBLP cult. These patterns looked like “per...

We’ll see you next week, when we’re feeling better, for an episode Amanda is so excited to share with you all! We’re grateful for you and we love you guys! Send us text! Please note this platform only supports one-way communication. Support the show

Sit in on the first conversation Amanda and Kyle have had together about what they’re learning on their journey as new parents. Amanda opens up about lifelong fears around the kind of mother she might become, and Kyle reflects on what he actually sees in her. Together, they laugh (and yawn) their wa...

Amy Duggar King joins us to talk about her new book Holy Disruptor, and she does not hold back. From growing up around the Duggar family and IBLP to setting boundaries and breaking cycles of silence, Amy brings her whole heart to shining a light on the darkness that shaped her childhood and family. ...

Author, veteran, and advocate Elizabeth Estabrooks joins Amanda and Kyle to explore the realities of trauma, institutional betrayal, and what it truly means to heal. Drawing from her decades in sexual assault and domestic violence advocacy, Liz shares the inspiration behind her book Broken in the St...

In this episode of The Cult I Left Behind, Amanda once more opens up her old diaries from her time in the IBLP cult and the early days of leaving. She reads while Kyle reacts in real time. Together, they talk through what those pages reveal about life inside IBLP, the challenges of leaving, and the ...